You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
