What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
