Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
