If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
