Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
