youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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