So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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