people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
