Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
