Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
