i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
