He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
