You surviving the open bar?
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It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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