So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
