I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
