Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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