I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
