ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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