im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
