i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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