If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
