I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
