I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
