I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
