Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize