you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
