Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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