i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize