Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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