careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
