Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I will die if light touches me.
my shit smells like andre
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
