do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
