He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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