I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
