Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
