Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
