That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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