yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
