rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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