Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
