I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
