Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize