In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
