Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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