my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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