So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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