She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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