Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
