and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
