If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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