So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
