I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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