sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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