I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
