hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
