I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
