Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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