Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
