i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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