so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
