Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
