Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You had me at "let me see your balls"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
