ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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