Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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