I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
