Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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