These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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