Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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